On our last night at the orphanage we had an ice-cream and soda party for them. Oh, the joy they had. I do not know how often they get treats, but they sure soaked it all up. Even to the point of taking the empty tubs of ice-cream and licking them dry. It was so much fun to watch them! But, eventually they found out that it was our last night. They asked me, "come back tomorrow?" They would ask us every day, "see you tomorrow?" Normally I could say excitedly, "YES!" But, this time I had to look them in the eyes and say no, "I don't come back tomorrow." As soon as they all found out, crying erupted from almost all 65 of them. And then from us. 

You can have all the theological questions answered by religion until you come face to face with things that rock your once solid foundation. We started to make our way out to the gate, but they would not let go. I just kept hugging them and saying I love you. I knelt down to Peap and Reach and communicated that I would always remember them in my heart and that I would pray for them. We got in our vehicles and began to pull away and I'll never forget Peap and Reach running after me with their arms stretched out trying to reach me. All my God answers went out the window as I saw the looks on their faces.  When you aren't around it, it is easy to say the right answers.   But, I didn't have any answers after pulling away. And at first that was frustratingly scary. But, as we got home and spent the next 24 hours digesting and processing, I became even more aware that God wants us to wrestle with Him. To ask why. To tell Him what's on your heart, what you are frustrated about. I want my own answers, not just what I've been told all along.   I need my own answers. My own foundation from His anwers to me. 

I asked God why are their orphans, why does a little boy have to be given away, abandoned, in this world he's supposed to know love, to have his back scratched, to be held by mommy, to show off for mommy, to see his daddy's eyes of acceptance and love. Why did God allow me to love them and for them to love me, only to eventually say goodbye. What about their hearts. They've already been broken once, sliced open to the core. How do we leave them after they've been left before? Am I hurting them? Is this worth it? Will they build more walls up because of what we did, and that is such the opposite of my intentions of this trip. But, is it possible to inflict more pain in the name of doing good? God, do you honestly have them? Did I truly do what I was supposed to do? I wrestled and I got answers.

God spoke to me, and showed me His heart. I saw Him, what He looks like as a child is given up or abandoned and He was on His knees, crying out, saying No. His heart was torn out too. He does not want there to be orphans. I may have known that in my mind , but I needed to know it in my heart. I needed God to truly show me His heart. And He's okay with that. If you need an answer and not just the textbook answer, ask Him. He wants to hear you, your heart. He wants to tell you the truth so that from that place of truth, life can grow and not anger and bitterness. He told me, do you see the holes in my hands, the scars, those were for them too, I want so desperately to be reconciled to them too. I did that for them. He said He does have these orphans, that He has chosen them and He is after them. He will see them through. Each time these children receive the kind of love our team gave them for a month, their hearts are being watered. He will add. He will INCREASE. I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I showed them God's love, LOVE. They know, they have tasted, they see what they were meant for, it is real, LOVE is real. They KNOW and they will keep KNOWING because He will not relent on them.   

They are orphans. 65 of them; ages 3 to 20. They are beautiful. They are special. They are loved. This orphanage, the Cambodia Hope Association, was started about two years ago by a man named Ritti who was an orphan himself. His family left him on the streets of Cambodia and he had to survive on his own, roaming the streets in search of food and shelter from the time he was 3. How he survived is God and His plans for his life. He became a Christian, and decided when he grew older he would start his own orphanage. God is alive there, He is moving. He is shaken things, He is raising up a generation from these children. They have been rescued from the street, from broken families who can no longer care for them, and from the child slave industry. If you've seen Slumdog Millionaire you know what I'm talking about. Ritti has big dreams for this place and for his children that call him dad. So does God.  He has rescued these children.  They truly live by faith.  Ritti and the orphanage pray for God to provide the food for everyone.  They go through pounds and pounds of rice a day.  Sometimes they barely have enough.   But, even if they are running low and you find yourself inside while they are eating, you will be offered rice multiple times.  They are givers, they love with all that's inside them.  I found myself wondering how when they are orphans, when they've been given  up, how do they still love?  I'm still pondering, but part of me knows it's God and their family of each other.  They are learning community, just like my squad is.

From the moment I got there, I loved being around them. They are eager to play, eager to hug on you, eager to say God bless you in their cute accents. We would play ball, from basketball to volleyball to soccer. We would play a game pretending to be ninjas and the goal is to hit each other's hand before they try to yank it out of range. Or, my favorite, playing chase and pretending to be the tickle monster to a group of about 5 girls. Oh how they loved it, how they giggled and screamed, and made me giggle and scream as they would turn the tables, attack and tickle me. They could play it for hours. I would try to relax and take a break from the hot sun, from being out of breath, and they would say, "sister, sister play game," and act like they were going to tickle me. I would relent and begin again. 

Two boys in particular hung on to me from the beginning, Peap and Reach. They were both left by their fathers and then eventually their mothers could no longer afford to take care of them. I love these two little boys. They loved me back. One, I could tell had some anger issues, he started acting out and being somewhat aggressive more towards the end of our time there. I wanted so desperately to be able to really talk to him, for him to tell me what is going on inside. I had to wonder what was going on in his heart, what pain was there? I can only imagine. I decided to pursue him more than I had been and make sure to give him physical touch and extra attention. I noticed this helped. He just wanted attention and love. The only other thing I could do was pray for him. I have prayed healing over his heart, a melting of his heart, a forgiveness over his heart, for God's love to come and just grab him and not let him go, even if he kicks and screams at first, because ultimately that's what he needs and wants. God IS after him. He already has begun His pursuit. And HE WON'T RELENT.

Eventually all the children went from calling us sister to mommy. At first it was a sort of lighthearted joke, but somewhere it eventually took a more serious tone. Just like our leaving every day. It was always a 10 minute exit with all the children hanging on to you saying goodbye multiple times as we tried to make our way to the tuk tuk (a fun form of transportation).   At first they would simply say goodbye to us at the orphanage gate and then wave goodbye from there as we rode away. As time passed they began to go a little farther, running alongside us down the road shouting and waving goodbye. Then they would run all the way to the end of the street waving until we finally made another turn and they and we were out of sight. They would even run close enough to still be holding your hand as we slowly drove away. Their goodbyes would melt your heart. I kept thinking one day we will be saying goodbye and not coming back the next day.  Your heart falls in love and breaks, their hearts fell in love and would they break too?  Would they be okay when we left for good?

Cambodia, wow, what a place.  I have fallen in love!    My thoughts about it ahead of time, honestly were hesitant.  Our border crossing from Thailand to Cambodia was our craziest one yet.  However, once here, it is truly amazing what I sense, what I see, and what I feel. 

God is on the move here after years of atrocities committed by the Pol Pot regime.  Unbelievable things happened here: From roughly 1975-1979, the Khmer Rouge, under the leadership of Pol Pot, executed at least 200,000 people and their policies resulted in the death and starvation of another 1-2 million people.  They would target those that were intellectuals, leaders, doctors, etc.  They would trick them as they rounded up groups of people; they would say who is a doctor, a teacher, etc. and the person would raise their hand, not knowing what was about to happen.  But, once the Khmer Rouge knew, they would execute them.  They also would execute entire families, children, babies as well.  They believed family members, as they grew up, would take revenge on them, so they needed to eliminate the entire family.  The devastation that occurred is beyond my imagination.  We visited an area of the Killing Fields, where execution and death occurred.  It was a very powerful moment, to be on the grounds where such abuse occurred.  I saw gravesites, I saw skulls, bones, victim's clothes, a tree that was used to crush heads, and another tree that was used to hang a loudspeaker from, which played music to drown out the cries.  To know where this country has come from, what is a part of its history, is heartbreaking.  My heart cries out for the Cambodian people and everything they went through.  But, to also know Cambodia's history and then to see with my own eyes the hope and redemption that surrounds this nation, is awesome! The people here are recovering.  This country is on the rise.  Signs of redemption and hope are in the air.  You can feel it, I can feel it. 

I see and have declared this country is rising, this country is bursting forth with so much it will overflow onto the other Asian nations.  Cambodia will be a leader in Asia, this country will be a light for all to see.  God is getting ready to explode on this country, to bring forth so much of Himself, His spirit, revival will happen, it is happening.  I watch the people worship and sing to God and there is so much passion.  Cambodia is rising and God is pouring out His spirit.  I see the country with purple, blue and white flags surrounding it.  God is working!  He is delivering hope to this nation.  He is restoring!  God is on the move.

At the Killing Fields, I saw a newly planted tree.  In that moment, of seeing a new tree on ground that once bore such death and destruction, I could feel God saying I am doing a new thing in Cambodia: I am birthing forth newness and life here.  He has planted hope and restoration and it is beginning to burst forth.  From soil that once was drenched in death to soil that is good, open and ready for the planting of hope and newness. Come Lord, come with your power and love.  May this country never be the same.  He is healing this nation.  He is encountering them.  They will have an encounter with Him, His presence, His blessings, His love is hovering over this nation.  And I'm a part of what He's doing, thank you Lord for using me, allowing me to witness your redemption.  The love you have for Cambodia is amazing.  I see the country with HOPE written all over it, that's what He's bringing.  It is being rooted in this country.  HOPE!

This month in Phuket, Thailand has been a roller coaster ride. It has been by far the most challenging month,   but the most rewarding. God is on the move, towards me and in and through me. He is on the move with the streets of Patong, Bangla Road, where we walk daily in prayer, covering the area and seeking the Lord before the night time ministry. I have come to realize the POWER in prayer, it's not a joke, it's not just words. They are words that are sharper than any double-edged sword, they cut through the enemy. And I have realized this from month three: that I have the power and the authority to call it out, to pray against it, to ask for it, to plead, to beg, to cry out and SOMETHING does happen. Things are changed. I can feel the spiritual realm shift and listen. Satan would like for me and the rest of us to believe that nothing happens. 

I am stepping into a new world. It is strange and beautiful, uncomfortable and desired at the same time. After going to the bars for the first few nights, I felt like God wanted me to stay back and intercede. Now I know why, he began birthing something in me that is His power. The prayer walks and nightly intercessions for the bars has led to me being broken and surrendered, telling God one night during prayer, when I couldn't explain this thing inside me, this loud voice, prayers trying to get out, this rage, this fury, this fire, this heartache, OKAY Lord, I do not understand what you're doing to me, I feel out of control, I feel a voice rising in me bursting forth to the surface, BUT OKAY, whatever you want to do, I'm willing Lord, I'm willing. I'm willing to sound crazy, to look crazy while I pray, to no longer be trying to hide myself. I feel the prayers and the declarations are like walking on water. Staying quiet, ha, I'm finding God sort of lovingly smiling at me, saying this is for you and for them, a gift to you and a life preserver for them. 

This thing God is doing I can best describe it as being like a dam being rushed with water and the walls are about to burst wide open and there seems to be nothing that can be done about it; something is breaking forth. Praise God because I do truly want to embrace Him fully and I don't really want to escape this THING He's doing no matter how uncomfortable I feel at times.  I feel compelled, like I must, I have to do this. 

God wanted me to see this, to discover. I have walked the streets and have discovered the power in words, in declaration. I am broken for Patong, I'm torn up emotionally, but I am also on fire prayerfully. The afternoon prayer walks are surrounded by quiet as most of the bars are empty. Night-time is a whole different scene. I cried out one afternoon, these streets are yours lord, and I could feel his power. He is alive and working and the enemy may think he can win, but HE is on the move. I have cried out for these women and I have felt God's heart cry. One day while walking I could feel him and knew what he was saying, this is serious, I love these women and I am after them and I'm using you and your team of women to do this, I could feel his desperation, his urgency, his pleading, his violent and wreckless love for them, to get them, to take them back out of the enemy's hands. I could, I can, feel the war. This month God has opened my eyes to His love for me and for His people, slowly increasing intimacy in my life. I need Him, and I'm okay to tell Him that.

I could see Satan's lies tripping the girls up: that they have no other way, no other way to make money, that it's hopeless, dreams are gone, that this is only for a little while, I could sense the trap, even if they don't realize it. I was angry, I am angry. But, HE will not stop relenting. I can feel him saying through my prayers or through my actions to GO, NOW, DO IT, GET THEM BACK. I have prayed for them to come to know Him, for Him to slam them with His love, to have their eyes open to what they are doing and what's being done to them, to see there's so much more, there is real love, there is hope, there is a future for them, they can have it, it is possible! To WAKE UP, to look in the mirror and say NO, I'm WORTH MORE, what am I doing, to find HIM and for HIM to find them. One night when I went back to the bars for the first time since the beginning of the trip here, my team walked into this area with a ton of bars and as I walked, my eyes met a girl across the room, I heard God say, that one, go get her, I want her. So we walked and my team chose that area without me saying stop here. God was going to make it happen. We started talking to her and after finding out a little bit about her, I could hear God say NOW, DO IT. About that time, she said she needed to start dancing on the bar, and I said wait, and began to tell her how God led me to her and said her, tell her. So I told her He's after her and that He loves and wants a relationship with her. I felt like begging, saying please, I could feel God's heart, broken over her, she said how do you know this, this love for me, I said I just know, I can feel it. And she said I can feel it too. She couldn't understand what was going on, His presence was tangible, I could feel Him and she could feel Him, she kept rubbing her arms, saying what is going on, I said it's Him. Then I said can I pray with you and she said okay, so I did, and again, rubbing her arms she said, what is this feeling all over me, I said that's Him, that's His love for you, He's here! She just stared and smiled and seemed a bit excited yet nervous. She said I have to go dance now. So we said goodbye. I have never felt this rush of His power come through me to GO AFTER ONE OF HIS DAUGHTERS. It was magnificent. And I pray that was a moment of seeds being planted in her, and I believe it was, and they will be watered.

It has been hard to see men, some so much older, inappropriately hanging on to 20 year olds in the bars, or walking down the street together as a lot of women are purchased for a two week stay by a foreigner. I won't lie. But, I have been led to pray for marriages to be restored, for men to return to their first loves or to just fall in love like never before with their wives, for God to slam them with His love and power, anointing and a holy brokenness to just fall on them. I passed by this one man at a bar during our afternoon prayer walk and I just wanted to pray for him, I prayed off to the side and as I was praying, I could sense this complete lack of love he had as a child has led him to search and search and now he's in Patong, looking for it, I prayed that God would get him, that He would come in and heal those broken pieces and give him such a love, such a tender joyful encounter with our father that he would be forever changed. I hear many come to Patong because they hear about the FUN you can have, but often they find out, like Satan's traps, that it's not enough still and it's a vicious cycle, which often ends in suicides. I have learned, as I sat surrounded by men in a bar one night who were touching and looking, how not to fall into the trap of personal anger and instead I went on the offense and prayed for them, cried out for them, asked for God's love and mercy to come. The search, I know the search, trying to find something to make it better, but it's Him. There's so much more, He's so much more than we can imagine. He is better than all the things that seem fun. I cry out for this revelation to come, for a hunger for something more to come across the streets of Patong. I cry out, I pray for eyes to be opened, for blindness to be lifted, for people to come to know the creator, their creator. I pray for His presence to fall on that place so thick, I pray for people to turn away, to fall to their knees and turn to Him, for love encounters who are searching, He's real, He's alive and He will stop at nothing.

I'm so grateful for month three and what God showed me, the revelation of His heart, his love, and the power in prayer. He's moving, partner with Him in what He's doing and you will forever be changed. He's calling, He wants you. Are you listening...

We are off to Cambodia for month four. It's exciting and a little nerve wracking as God keeps chipping away and moving into my heart. I love you all and miss you! I pray as you read, God talks. He loves you and calls you by name. 

I'm currently in Thailand.  However, I wanted to post an interview story from my month in Nicaragua.  I will post on Thailand soon!

Instead of "how are you" as the natural greeting among men in a village in Nicaragua, the common greeting is "how is your (creatine) level?"  Men greet each other with this question awaiting a response which shows how sick they are from working at a local sugar cane field, the largest in Central America.  Renal Kidney Failure Disease is what typically awaits the limited job option population in this area. To them it is normal, to me it is sad.  I had the honor of interviewing a former worker at the sugar cane plantation, Jose Matamoro.  He worked there for 37 years.  We sat down with a translator.  The one thing I could not quite get over was how grateful he seemed about his job.  This job has left him sick, most likely shortening his life, but he maintains a grateful heart that he even had a job.  In such a poverty stricken and jobless society, any job is well liked regardless of its consequences of an early death.   I do believe awareness needs to be brought to how poverty results in desperation on behalf of the worker and exploitation on behalf of the employers.  Proverbs says: "To the hungry even something bitter tastes sweet;" To those desperate for a job even something that kills them early is good.

In Candelaria, before the 1980s, jobs were more available to men and women.  Privately owned plantations employed people in areas of cotton, bananas, plantains, etc.  However, in the 1980s, the government took over these plantations and sold a train that went from the north to Granada that provided jobs for many.  After these government actions, jobs were scarce, forcing people to work at the sugar cane plantation.  Even before the government takeover of jobs, the sugar cane company would go to these other areas of work and present the people with an offer that was hard to resist.  The company offered to pay more than what their current job was paying and also give them the basics in food to feed them and their family.  The company no longer provides food for its workers, since now it's almost the only job option for people, it does not have to try hard to get workers. 

Jose worked in certain areas that caused him to get sick.  He was fortunate in that since he had worked there a long time, he was moved to a different area, where one does not get sick.  His job was secure.  However, most are not as fortunate.  Once they find out you are sick, you are typically fired and the company just hires new workers and the cycle continues.  Often, once one person from the family gets sick, younger members of the family will go and get a job there, and so from generation to generation family members are getting sick and then dying.  Families are without fathers, brothers, sons.  Poverty and the absence of males devastate this society.  During the interview, I found myself wondering why do people get jobs there when they know working there makes them sick and why would families send sons there as well? But, living in a society without any jobs available, any money to provide food for you is worth it; you will risk it to eat, to live, even if your means to living will eventually result in your death.

The company tests the workers every year, for each safra, which is the time period where they plant the sugar cane.  If a worker's results are positive for sickness, termination occurs.  Once fired, workers barely receive any compensation.  For those that do receive compensation it is not enough to live off of.   The minimum amount of time required to have worked at the company before employees receive compensation used to be 150 weeks, now it is 700 weeks.  Therefore, a lot of workers do not receive any kind of insurance or compensation because they have already become sick before 700 weeks time. 

Currently in the Candelaria area over 2000 men are without work because they are sick and jobs are scarce.  Thus the cycle of poverty begins and hopelessness sets in.  Jose says a lot of people begin to live life with the attitude of "I'm going to die anyway so I might as well..."  Alcoholism, drug abuse, partying begins, which results in a quicker death.  Also, due to being without jobs, there is less money to buy food and not eating well results in a quicker death. Others find ways to make money in any way they can to provide for themselves and families.  One-hundred to two-hundred men die every year in the village of Candelaria.  While I was in Nicaragua, a family my team had grown close to, lost a brother, a son, an uncle.  We watched their grief as he lay dying before our eyes from renal kidney failure.  Just about each week, this village sees a death from this disease.  As people are dying they vomit yellow bile, their stool is green or yellow due to the chemicals used at the plantation.

The workers work from 6:00 a.m. until 4 or 5 p.m.  They get paid based on how much they plant, cut, etc.  So that's an incentive for them to work really hard and take virtually no breaks to eat or even drink water.  They race with each other to get the most done.  How do they get sick? Because of the chemicals used to fumigate, to kill plagues, and insects that are preventing the sugar cane from growing. In the 1980s, the company started to use different chemicals and in particular a chemical called gramoson used by airplanes to fumigate.  The company prohibits them from drinking water or taking showers for any reason because of the polluted water caused by fumigation in the morning.  By the afternoon, plantain trees and fish in the river would be dead.  Leaves on trees were all dry.  The airplane chemicals contaminate the ground for 20 to 30 years after being sprayed, leaking into the water and food supplies of the people. 

Awareness is limited.  There is a group trying to help the people get insurance and compensation.  The company produces millions for the government and is, as mentioned, one of the only jobs available, so the government does not say anything and neither do the people.  I hope and pray more awareness comes and the cycle of job, job loss, poverty, sickness and then death can end. 

Where to begin with this past month.  Our contacts at New Song are amazing.  To see people that came to Nicaragua for completely different reasons, and then God said this is where I want you and they fulfilled this calling is truly amazing. 

We lived at the ministry; the site contained the housing as well as the church, basketball court and huge field for sports and corn.  Basically it is the one big hangout for the entire village.  When I first got there, we were told this ministry is about relationship, building it with the people that flock to New Song everyday all day, just basically hanging out.  Give me a task and I'll do it, but to just casually be and begin relationships with people is a little bit harder for me.  So to be honest, I was a little nervous.  God told me I will send to you who I want you to connect with this month and I felt a peace. 

As soon as the youth and children knew we were there they would begin to be at our doors early ready for us to come out and play, have fun, or talk. They are starving, most of their homes are full of abuse, neglect, lack of love, be it because fathers or mothers are absent all together or just not there for their children.  I ventured outside and tried to leave the rest up to God.  Over the weeks he led me to a few people in particular.  I want to talk about Esther. 

I saw a group of ladies sewing graduation gowns for children and youth and approached them to ask if they needed help and that is how I met Esther and her daughter Cindy, who is 3, and then eventually the rest of her family.  Immediately Esther and I clicked and I loved her.  She invited me to her house where I was surprised at the amount of conversation and laughter that occurred despite the language barrier.  Throughout the weeks and thanks to a few translators I heard her testimony, prayed for her, encouraged her in who God has made her to be, and went to her house a few more times.  The second time I went to her house I was overcome with compassion for her family, particularly her husband, who like most men in Nicaragua, has renal kidney failure due to working at a local sugar cane plantation that causes its workers to become sick.  I felt God say step out in faith and pray for healing, so I did.  I don't know what happened, if he's been healed or not.  I almost didn't want to pray because then if nothing happened, what would my faith and his faith be like, but what if I didn't pray, and with that I couldn't not pray. 

I was challenged this month with relationship, being, resting and just with questions I did not know I had. God is still challenging me with REST and just simply being in a relationship. He wants us to just be with Him, to rest in Him.  It is okay to rest, there is no condemnation in REST.  I don't understand or get it yet.  I realized how much I feel like I have to do things for God or do things, my idea of huge things, for people in order to believe I'm doing God's will or accomplishing something.  Throughout the month I asked myself is just being at someone's house and talking enough?  What about playing with a child or giving a hug?  Aren't I supposed to have some huge prayer or healing moment?  I actually thought maybe I chose my course this month and so I could have done more.  But, I came to realize God saying everyday you stepped out of that door, I led you to the people I wanted you to be with and I led you to do the things they needed; that He is in a hug, He is in a smile, a moment playing with a child.  That a hug could be HUGE to someone who is starving for affection, maybe they needed that more than a prayer.  Maybe Esther just needed a friend to sit with and laugh with, and then maybe her husband did need someone to pray for healing for him. 

Off to Thailand for month three.  We are splitting from the guys and I'm going with ladies from two other teams to Phuket Thailand to She Ministries (shethailand.org).  We will be going into bars to minister to God's daughters.  How loving He is, He's already handpicked those He wants to encounter.  Please pray for protection for us and for freedom to be unlocked in us as women and for the women we will meet. Love you guys! Thanks for your support.  You are touching people's lives!